Like Every Night
by pouledo
Summary: Spencer, to protect those she loves, have to deal with a monster at home ... Fluffy Sparia included . WARNING : rape, violence, abuse don't like don't read.
1. Once upon a Night

**Before everything : I'm French, so english is not my maternal language at all. But I try to improve myself, and when the idea of a fanfiction came to my mind, I decided to write it in english.**

**Basically because none of the french PLL fans that I know reads fanfictions. Write something in a language that no one speaks and understand is kind of useless, so, there it is, my first english fanfiction. I hope it's understandable at least. I tried to do my best. If you see any big mistake, please let me know in reviews !**

**Okay, so this is my first fanfiction ever . I started to read a lot of Sparia stuff recently, and I love this shipping, but one night the idea of Spencer being hurted by Ian the crazy psycho came to my mind, and was impossible to forget. So, there it is : Spencer, protecting Aria, but dealing with some horrible stuff at home … I'm kind of twisted I know ! So, a little fluffy Sparia, and some of Spian ? Iancer ? Is there a name for this shipping ? **

**Warning : Rated M for language, sexual content, and rape scene. Don't like don't read. R&R please !**

**The characters belongs to ABC family. I own nothing.**

**En avant, c'est parti !**

I'm scared. Like every night. I ate, I tried to stay late in the living room watching TV, but I knew inside of me that it would not change anything. So I said Good night to Mum and Dad, and I went to my room, did my homeworks, call her, and try to be happy and relaxed on the phone, because I don't want to bother her, I don't want her to think that there is something wrong with me … I read some books, and Oh god it's time to sleep, so I turn the light off, and now I lay down on my bed, and I wait. Like every night.

I know I've got, maybe one hour before this happened. My parends and Melissa must be asleep. The house has to be empty and silent like an hospital. I also know that in this case hours seems to be minutes.

Every night I wait, and every night I try to convice myself that nothing bad will happen, that He is not such a bad person as this … I have to rationalize this. I have to keep my mind full, think to another stuff. If I start to think at all the things he's going to do with me I'm gonna cry. And crying is not good. If I cry something is wrong. Nothing is wrong. Everything's fine. Spencer Hastings can't be wrong. Spencer Hastings can't be wrong. Spencer Hastings have to be okay, despite of everything. Everyone. Come on. We have a math exam tomorrow, I'm not ready, I can't have bad marks, bad marks is for people with problems, I have no problems, I'm fine. But I'm scared.

« Don't start, don't start, you start sobbing and moaning in fear , that's not good Spencer, come on, stop, everything gonna be allright, maybe tonight he will not come, maybe Melissa has something important to do with him, maybe she needs him, she's pregnant after all, maybe they're watching a movie in the barn, come on, you're not sure right ? You can't be sure he's gonna come, don't start to panic » And I try to confort myself with this melody. Sometimes it works. Not tonight.

The house is silent now. I start to fall asleep. Maybe tonight will be a harmless night after all.

Then I heard the door of the kitchen squeak. And the stairs crack. I can see him coming. I close my eyes, burrow me in my covers, plug my ears. But I see him in my head. He's walking in the hallway. Walks in front of the bathroom, avoiding the squeaky floor. Now he's in front off my door. I bite my lips so hard that I taste blood in my mouth. I'm freezing in my bed. My cover is not an armor against night monsters, i'm not a child anymore, and this monster is real. And dangerous.

I feel the bed shift as he lies down besides me. He pushes my hands from my ears and take them behind my back. His grip is tight, I know I'm gonna have bruises tomorrow, but it's nothing besides what is following next.

« Hello my angel »

I can't restrain a groan of terror. Oh god why. I have to be quiet, I know that, damn, there is nothing he loves more that seeing my fear. Just a groan for god sake, just a groan, and I almost can see him smile victoriously, as if he had already won.

« Open your eyes Spence. Open it … You don't want to make me furious right ? Open your eyes, look at me »

I can't fight. I open my eyes, and all I see is his face near to mine. He crashes his lips to mine and start to kiss me.

I want to die. At least I want to be far, far away from here, with all of my friends, with my family, with everyone who counts for me, without school, without him, especially without him.

I feel his tongue into my mouth, and I want to puke myself. Oh god why. I can't breathe. It's better. I want to go away from here.

« Oh my angel, are you crying ? But you know that I'm going to be very, very kind with you, right ? »

« Ian, please … please, leave me, don't … »

He slaps me, violently. I see black dots in my vision before he starts to touching me. Everywhere. On my breast first, in my crotch after, and his hands are not hands but sticky snakes who walks up and down my body. I'm crying, already, like a little child, or a hurted animal, which I am for now, and I hear him whispering and moaning and licking my tears. All I can do is stay here, try to be as silent as possible, while he rip off my pajamas and threw it on the floor. All I can do is try to think about something else. Someone else. No, not her, not here, not now, oh god …

Every night I try to get used to the pain. Every night it's more and more awful. Maybe one day I'm gonna die from this pain ? He's getting his way inside of me slowly, I feel the weight of his body crushing mine's, I'm burning in pain inside, I grip the sheets, and close my eyes despite his order, because that's all I can do now for escaping myself far, far away from him.

And suddently it's done. As usual he start to fall asleep on me, in me, and as usual I wake him up, cause I have to go and wash myself before starting to puke, or scream, or maybe both. No words. Just a awful, lustful, possessive gaze on me, lying naked on the bed, as he start to get down. He put his shirts and pants on, and he goes, deadly silent as usual.

It wasn't that horrible. Some night he made me things much more disgustings than this. And painful. This ... This is a calm, relaxing night, compared to some others one.

I can't take a shower. Mum said that shower at 1:00am is waking her up, and if I want to take a shower I have to do it sooner in the evening. So, I clean myself up like I can, put an another pajamas on, and walk down to the kitchen. I can't fall asleep now anyway. So, to the kitchen I go, put my forehead on the cold table, and start to think. I can't cry now. I think I've spendt all my stock of tears this night. I've got an headache. Great.

I think about her. I think about all that Ian could make to her, and suddently i start to feel comforted. All of this is for her. She's alive, and she is happy, and If she is happy I am too. So, everything is perfect.

Ian caught me with her one time. Aria and I. We did nothing wrong. We just kissed. It was a raining day, and I was alone with her in my room, and, well, one second I was just sitting in my bed, the other I was here, lying with Aria's body right next to me, kissing her, laughing with her between two kisses, whispering in his ears while she was sucking this sensitive point in my neck. We were here. Just happy to be together, alone, for once.

It wasn't the first kiss we shared. The first was a long, long time ago, way before Ali's death. Maybe it was a way for both of us to share a secret that even Ali shouldn't know. Aria did the first step. I loved it. It was soft, smooth and sweet... Perfect, basically. I can see, I can feel every little details of this kiss right now, in the kitchen, and I smile. If I make an effort I can remember all the kiss we shared together. Kiss and other stuff. Nothing like sex or anything, no, it's nothing like that. All we do is kissing. She seems to be happy like that. She's dating Ezra now, maybe it's all she can give to me now. It's allright. It's not like if I could date her, right ? I mean, I want his happiness before everything else. Anyway. Aria was my first kiss. Ian can't take this off from me. Maybe my memories is the only thing whitch belongs to me now.

Anyway.

I turned off and saw Ian staring at us with a wicked smile. He show me his phone victoriously, and he left my room. I was worried about this but never, ever, ever in my worst nightmares, I could imagine the price of his silence. Later this afternoon, after Aria's leave, Ian went to my room. My parents was away, my sister was sleeping in the barn, and Ian was here, with me. All this time I thought he hated me. Oh god, why did he can't just hate me, and nothing more ? But, the point is, Ian like girls. Every of them. And when he likes one girl in particular, it's very difficult for him to deal with his obsession. That's what he explain to me this night. He shows me the pictures he took, of Aria and I kissing, touching each other … And he asks me how much I was ready to gives to him for thoses pictures.

My parents are very stricts with this. I can have a boyfriend, I can date whoever I want. But if Emily's mother is intolerant with homosexuality, mine is worst. She think it's a sin. She think homosexuality is sickness, monstruosity, and nothing in earth will make her change her mind, I know that. But i can deal with the hate of my mom, I can deal with everything from my family, if I have Her on my side. The anger of Mum is nothing. That's what I tell to him.

« Ok Spence. Well, I guess I have to be a little more specific. Where does the tiny cute angel Aria lives ? And she is often alone, right ? Who knows what could happened to her, alone, in this big house ? After all Aria is a good starter … A word Spencer. A word and I leave your special friend. All you have to do is obey me. If you obey me, everyone will be safe. If you don't … I hurt Aria. And this little lesbian whore, Emily. And Blondie. Maybe I can hurt someone else who cares for you Spence, I can find someone else, trust me. So, what are you doing, my sweet little princess ? Did we have an agreement ? »

I'm tired. Of all of this. It's barely morning now, I see the rising sun from the kitchen's window. Maybe I can have some rest ? At least I can try. I'm going up to my room, take the sheets and threw them in the washing machine, and lay down on my bed. I fall asleep, not for so long. And in the middle of the darkness, I see her face. Maybe it's worthless. Maybe she will always been in love with Ezra. But she's safe, and right now nothing else matters. Like every other nights, I fall asleep with the pictures of an angel in front of my eyes. And the devil who hurt me every night can't take this angel away from me.

**Edit : Thanks anon for pointing the "silencious" mistake on ! It's corrected ^^**


	2. The aftermath

**This story was supposed to be an OS, but some ideas came to my mind, enough to write a sequel with sense. I'm sorry about the lack of action in this chapter. But I do think it's important to stay focus on Spencer's thoughts. And I wanted my story with A- in it, so, here she comes !**

**Again, sorry for my bad english. If you see any mistake in the text, please let me know in reviews. Thanks.**

**Bonne lecture à tous !**

**Ps : Spencer's alarm song is "Bohemian Rhapsody", by Queen. Listen Queen. Especially this song. It's awesome.**

_« Is this the real life ? Is this just fantasy ? Caught in a landside, no escape from reality Open your eyes, look up to the sk ...»_

I grab my phone, turn of the alarm ring, and close my eyes. But too late, I can't fall asleep again now.

Damn you Queen, damn you ! I've never hated Freddie Mercury so much in my life. Why did I choose this song to wake me up in the first place? God, why didn't I turned off my alarm yesterday … I'm so tired. If I just could stay at home for the entire day, and sleep. I've got field hockey practice after class. I don't wanna go, I don't wanna see him. And I can't lie to him. I have to go anyway.

Get up, Spence, here is an another beautiful day's waiting for you. I notice the ache in my arms and crotch when I get up of my bed. Apparently yesterday night was a little bit rough that what I thought. And, indeed, I'm bleeding. It happens more and more often. I should see a doctor. But obviously I can't. I take a pill against pain, and spend more time than necessary under the shower. God it feels good. The pain is still here, but at least I'm a little less dirty than before. Choosing a cute pleated dress is not an option for me anymore. Not with the bruises all over my body. A jean, and a blue sleeved shirt, and here I am, ready for another day.

As I reach the stairs I take a deep breath. I plate an artificial smile in my face, and walk to the kitchen.

Everybody's here. Mom on the phone, Dad drinking coffee, Melissa and his big belly -six month, already- eating some chocolate muffins. And him, of course. Drinking a glass of milk, and starring at me as I open the fridge, looking for something to take away. Hurry up, hurry up, Spence, you could be at school without him glaring at you like a predator. Why does everyone act like nothing happened ? Why does nobody notices this sick glare ?

« Hi Champ. Come on, take something with us ! » Thanks Dad. Now I have to stay. I can't say no. I can't say yes. I want to run away from him.

« Uh, I, I have to go to school Dad, the girls are waiting for me and ... »

« Come on, Spencer, it's been a while since our last breakfast, especially with our two daughters. Sit down, and eat something with your family. First class start at 9:00 right ? You've got fifteen minutes to share with us, without being late. »

« Yeah Spence ! Come on, eat something, you don't want to be weak at the practice right ? Besides, we haven't seen you for ages » God. You asshole, hypocrite bastard. Ian told that, and everyone is now looking at him with thankful eyes. Of course. He is the nice one after all, right Dad ? He's the only one that Spencer the rebel teenager seems to listen. Why can't you guess why, Dad ?

But, the point is, I can't sit here Dad. I can't sit near to him. Dad, this man is hurting me, almost every night. Don't you see how he look at my right now ?I can't even dress myself like I want anymore Dad, I have to think about the bruises, the scratches, the bites, the hickeys all over my body, and I can't wear dresses or backless shirts anymore, I have to wear pants and sweat shirts every day, and all of this because of Him ... He took everything from me Dad, literally, and he's killing me slowly, every time he's touching me, every time he's glaring at me, every time he speaks to me, even every time he thinks about me. Why can't you see that Dad ? Why can't you see that I lost almost 15 pounds ?I can barely eat, because I'm too terrified by what is waiting for me every night, Dad. I can't handle this anymore. You have to do something. I need help Dad. Help me. Please, help me …

But, of course, I can't say it. And if I do, who are they gonna believe ? Me, the liar problematic daughter, unstable, obsessive and totally crazy ? Or Ian, the husband of Melissa the perfect daughter, future perfect dad of the perfect grand-child ever ? All I can do is smile at my dad, breathe hard, contain a massive need to burst into tears in his arms, and sat down at the table, as far away as I can from Ian, who's now reading the news in the Philadelphia Inquirer. Maybe he's not gonna talk to me today. I can ignore him, drink something like a big cup of coffee, and go away. Yes, I can do that.

So I did, and five minutes later I'm on the way to school. Hanna and Em are on our favorite table, at the cafeteria, and Aria is sitting right next to them. She sees me, and tell me to come. Great. I feel good, for the first time this day. I'm glad to see my all of my friends of course, but Aria … It's different. The last time we shared Sparia time together seems to be an eternity. But I can't see her alone now. It's not safe. I want to. But I can't. At least I can see her at school. It's better than nothing.

I have to act normal. Thanks to A-, I'm very good at hiding my problems to other peoples. All I have to do is lying at my friends, ignore the pain in my stomach as I walk to them, smile, and listening Hanna's stories about make up or clothes or Caleb or whatever. I can do that.

But I see Aria's face, anxious and worried. Oh my god. What happened ? Is she hurt ? Did he hurt her ? Calm down. Everything's not about him, or you. She doesn't know. There is no way she can know something. I can't breathe, I need to know, but I can't act like a fool in front of everyone. I have to act normal. Even if it's killing me.

« Hey, what's going on ? Aria, is everything alright?»

« A-. She text me.»

Oh crap. Why Aria, first of all? And, mainly, why today ?After all the Ian's stuff started I received some texts and mails from A-, asking me to find out what does my sister did the night Ali's death. Nothing about him. I guess that even A- can't know everything … Anyway, I ignored the texts, despite all the warnings, more and more threatening, saying that Melissa or my family would be hurted if I didn't obey. Compared to Ian, A-'s threats was nothing. I was scared by the aftermath of this ignorance, but, strangely, nothing happened. And I mean, literally nothing. No texts, no mails anymore. I asked the girls, and, most surprisingly, they didn't receive anything either. As if A- had decided to leave us alone. And now, few months after, she start again. Oh god why.

When I take Aria's phone, I feel his soft hand on mine, and when I take the phone she put his hand on my arm, firmly. She's smiling at me. Apparently I've missed her too. And if she's smile at me she's fine. I feel relieved. Then I read the text.

_« Aria, Aria, Aria. You're supposed to be the best liars of the crew. How can't you see anything ? Maybe Jenna's not the only one to being blind … Watch your friends. Especially one of them. Or someone might get hurt. A- »._

"Um, What, what does she means ?"

"Dunno. But i'm officially scared. It's been, like, four month that she stopped sending us texts ? Why now ? I mean, its not like one of them had something new to share, and -"

"Oh come on Aria, she's doing this for keeping us in his power ! We don't need her. We need to figure what happens to Ali. And we don't need this psycho behind our back. Erase the text, don't pay attention to it. Is she ask you to do anything ? No. Is she blackmailing you with some secret stuff ? No. So why do you care so much ? Everyone's fine here, right ?"

Thanks Hanna for being so pragmatic. I don't want Aria worried.

All of us nodded at Hanna's speech. She sure know how to comfort his friends. I smile to Aria, I don't want her to be upset by that. But i'm dying inside. Is A- know ? Is she talking about me .. ? How could she know ? And if it's about me, she's … protecting me ? Helping me ?Anyway. Aria has nothing to do in this story. If she figure out what's happening with me, she'll be the threatened one. It's not good. I'm the one who keep her safe. And she's not gonna start snooping because of a stupid text.

The girls keep talking until the bell rings, but honestly I barely listen at them. All I do is nod, say "uh uh" with an interrested face, but all I can do is thinking. How to keep Aria's mind focus on another thing that this bloody text ? How ? But, as usual, nothing good enough come to my mind.


	3. Madness

My first class this morning is math. Oh crap. I've got a test today. I tried to study for it, but I can't keep my mind focus on anything else that Ian when I'm home. Usually math are something I love. But, in front of the test, I don't understand anything. Even things that I do knows. I think about A-'s text, Aria, Ian, yesterday's night, other nights, A- again, and when the time is over, I realize that all I wrote is my name, the date, and some scribbles all over the paper. Oh fuck. Oh. Fuck. I'm the last one to give my copy back. I run away from the class, full of anxiety, and almost crying.

I have to go home. I can't go home, I can't skip class, it's not me. I have to act like myself. God it's hard … I want to sleep. I have to take some rest. If I don't I'm gonna pass out. Burnout can happen to everyone. It means nothing. I can go to the infirmary, and ask the nurse if I can sleep in a bedcamp for one hour or two. God, I need to sleep. I must sleep.

As I walk to the hallway, aimless, I feel someone grab my arm fiercely. I scream as I turn down, convinced that it's Ian who wants to "talk" to me, once again. Instead, I see the anxious face of Aria, starring at me with concerned eyes.

"Spence, I'm sorry, I didn't want to scare you, I'm so sorry ! Are you all right ? Did I hurt you ?"

I can't stop myself laughing. Seriously, her, hurting me ? Oh the irony …

"No, I'm fine, don't worry. Shouldn't you be in class ? We've got English for two hours before lunch right ?"

"Yes. WE have, you said it. Both of us. Why aren't you in class? You've never skip class since I know you … Are you sure you're not sick or anything ? You're pale as a vampire, and you seems to be exhausted"

God, those eyes. I could drown myself in them. But focus, Spence. Lying to Aria is way more difficult than lying to your parents, you have to be persuasive. Come on. You can do it.

"Um, I, uh, yeah, maybe, I don't know honestly, I I I just don't feel well, I think I should go home and take some rest, I barely slept last night because of, you know, my math exam, and, uh, no, don't worry ! I'm good. I just need some sleep."

Great Spence. Now she's gonna be really, really upset. Why can't I find the right thing to say ? If I say I want to see the nurse she's gonna be worry. Nurse if for sick people. I'm not sick. I'm never sick during school. This is Hanna's specialty, not mine. Is she believes me ? I think. She seems less worried than before. Good point, Spence. You deserve an Oscar for that. But Aria can be a good actress too. Stay focus. She's the one you have to protect, not the contrary.

"Okay. I'm gonna drive you home and make sure you're gonna stay in your bed all day."

"Oh come on, you don't have to do this, I-"

"I want to. I want to make sure you'll gonna sleep like a baby all day long. Besides, it's been a while since we didn't share some time together… I miss you Hastings."

She whisper in my ear, with a big smile on his face. She take my hands, and start to caress my palms with his fingers. I know what this means. Since she's with Ezra, -ie one year, maybe more, I don't really want to know - I let her do the first step, when she want to share some – how can I call this … - special time with me. Usually I'm always agree. We make out one night, and the morning after we're best friends as usual.

But the last time was the day Ian caught me. This day he kissed me, few days after he started to touching me, and after … I don't know. I don't want to remember this. Thanks God Aria didn't notice him this day. She have to think that everything's normal. But I can't kiss her, touch her, not now, not with Ian's face in my mind. I can't mix Aria with him. She can't kiss me, not after him. No way.

"I'm, you know, like, tired … All I need is, uh, sleep. You don't want to watch me sleeping, I'm exhausted, I just -"

"Come on, Spencer. I drive, you take some rest." She seems disappointed. Of course. But I can't say yes like that, even if I want to.

"What about school ? I mean, we're gonna miss all day, they're gonna call our parents …"

"Honestly ? When I see you in zombie mode, I don't care about school, parents, or whatever. All I see is you, not going well. I want you to be OK, understand ?"

What can I say ? At least she's just thinking that I'm not feeling well today. Thanks A-. As usual this bitch is ruining my life. Without this damn text, Aria would be in class, starring with devotion at Mr Fitz, and she wouldn't noticed my absence before the end of the class. I have one monster at home, for god's sake ! I don't need two of them ruining my life. I can barely handle Ian, and I've never been able to get A- away from me before. All I can do is trying to save my friends from this mess. Especially the one who's looking at me right now. And the best way to keep her safe is, for now, to give up.

"Okay. Let's go. I'll call school and my parents before going to take a nap. They'll understand"

"Yes, whatever. Get in the car, right now !"

I smile when I walk to his car. She always loved to be the dominant one in our relationship. Obviously she's relieved by my surrender. Good. Maybe there is couple of things I can do the right way after all. And at home I'm gonna fall asleep instantly, and she's gonna let me sleep all the time I need. And after one hour watching me sleep she will get bored, and she's gonna go back in school, right in the arms of Mr Fitz. Everything's gonna be well. Let's go.

And, later, here I am, in my bed, and mainly, in Aria's arms. If feels so good. For the first time since a while I feel relaxed. Now I lay me down to sleep, with a big secret to keep, and should I die before I wake, I pray Aria my soul to take. I fall asleep with the sound of his heart beating in my ear and his fingers caressing my hairs gently.

When I wake up, I feel the touch of a body against mine, and this is not good. I move away from it quickly, before realize it's Aria. Of course. Apparently she moves during my sleep : now I'm under a white blanket, with her, his arm circling me in a sweet hug. Wait, she's still here ?

"Hey, how do you feel ?"

"Hum, better I think. What, what time is it ? Did I mess all my school day ?"

"Well, it's 2:00pm. Obviously you needed some rest. I'm glad you feel better ! Your mom called, I answered, hope you don't mind. She told that if you feel better tonight she wants you to come to a family dinner. Oh, and Ian called too. He hopes you feel better too. He said that you must be ready. And he is glad that I took care of you this morning. Your step brother can be really weird sometimes. But I guess this was nice of him ..."

"Whu, what ? Did he said that to you ? But, oh, why ? I can't believe that he ..."

Then I realize. Oh. Field hockey practice, later in the afternoon. Of course. Very funny Ian. His sense of humor is killing me. Private jokes. He did this sometimes when we are with my family. Nobody's understand, he's happy to scare me. And it works. Right now I start to panic. Breathe, Spence, breathe. There's no way for Aria to understand this mess. Fortunately for her.

"Hey, relax ! If you don't want to go, don't go, it's easy. You should stay here, and take some rest … I'm sorry Spence, I have to go now, my Mom called, she want me to go home asap … I told her that I would expect you to be awake. Is that okay for you ?"

"Yeah of course, that was so nice of you to waste your time watching me sleep … Thank you Aria. I feel way better now."

"It was a pleasure … you're very beautiful when you're sleeping Spence. You look … peaceful. Anyway. Don't listen to Ian. Skip the practice and take some rest !"

A soft kiss, maybe longer than necessary, and very, very close of my lips, and suddently she's gone. Wow. That was inexpected but very nice.

I have to go to the practice, then ? If I don't go, what does he gonna do ? The less I obey during day, the worst it is during night. For me who like algebra, it's a very simple theorem. I have to go there. He likes to take control of myself. During the practice and during the night.

"Faster, Spence. Come on, grab this stick Spence, and for once use it in the right way. Run, Spencer, it's good for your cardio. Oh come on Spence, you're not that exhausted. Go on. Let me show you how to hit this ball correctly."

Then his hands, on my waist first, then on my hands, and his mouth in my neck, whispering words that I barely listen, because I'm too scared ; I start to shake, and he can feel it, oh god, I know he can feel it, and it makes him more and more aroused as the day pass. The practice days are always the worst nights. When my passivity is not enough, when I have to do him some perv stuff. Those nights, when he's done I can barely move. Shame. Pain.

I don't want to go there. I have to. Sounds like my life is a perpetual resumption right ? School, practice, night. When I'm lucky, sleep. And once again. School, practice, night. Sleep. School, afternoon without practice, where all I can do is wait, because I'm too obsessed by the night. Night. Insomnia. School. And once again. And once again. There's no end to this. If I talk, my friends will get hurt. If I don't talk I'll get crazy. If he dies my sister lost his husband, my nephew lost his father, and my family will be sad. If I die … Maybe it's the best solution after all. No. Don't think about this. You're not a Hastings for nothing. You have to handle this. You can do it, Spence, you can do it.

Later this evening. Finally I went to the practice. I shouldn't have. Some of my teammates asked me why I wear a jogging pant instead of the team uniform. And why a sweat shirt, by this beautiful time. Honestly I didn't know what to say. Told them it was because of sunburns. I'm not sure they believed me. And I don't care. Whatever.

I have to eat with the whole family now. Ian included. Him this morning at breakfast, him this afternoon at practice, him later in my room, and now him tonight at dinner ? It's too much. I can't do it. I can't sit down at the table, speak to him naturally, knowing what's gonna happens later. I'm still bleeding from yesterday's night for god's sake. I … I need a break.

As I prepare myself for diner, despite everything, I hear my phone ringing on my bed. Aria wants to know how I feel maybe ? I take my phone with a little smile.

But it's not Aria. Not at all.

_"Tired Spence ? I wonder why. So as Aria now. You should do something about this. Or I'll do it for you. And trust me, you don't want that. Have a good night ! A-"_


	4. Leak

**Désolée pour le manque de mises à jour. J'ai la même excuse que tout le monde : je suis en plein dans mes partiels. Merci à tous ceux qui ont mis cette histoire en favoris, ou en alerte, qui ont commenté, ça me fait énormément plaisir !**

**Le chapitre 4 bouge un peu plus que les autres. J'hésite encore à donner une identité à A-. En tout cas, je sais en gros comment l'histoire va finir. Je ne sais pas, par contre, si je vais écrire une fin triste ou heureuse. Peut être les deux ! Si vous avez un avis, comme d'habitude, les reviews sont les bienvenues.**

**Sorry about the lack of updates. I'm in the middle of my finals exams, like everyone else here. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed this story, or put it in alert or in favs, really thank you guys, It's so nice of you, you can't know how I'm glad !**

**This chapter moves more than the others. I still hesitate to name A-. Anyway, I know basically how the story will end. But I don't know if I'm gonna write a sad or happy ending. Maybe both ? **

**If you have an opinion about this, about the story, a spelling mistake, like always, reviews are more than welcomed :)**

**Merci à tous, bonne lecture !**

I drop my phone. It crash on the floor. I need to sit down. I can't breathe.

A- … know ? How ? When, I mean, how did she managed to know ? I'm not the best liar ever, but, if A- can guess what's happening to me, everyone can. It's just a matter of time. I'm weaker every day. So … What is she gonna do about it ?

Instead of getting ready for dinner, I start to think. Hard. For the first time since months I start to focus my mind on something which has to be fixed. It feels good.

If A- knows, A- saw something. Ian has never done anything inappropriate out of this room. Outside, on dinner with my parents, at school during practice, he is the picture of the perfect man. So if A- saw something it was in this room. At night. She spied me. I contain a nausea at this idea, and keep thinking.

She wants me do do something about it. Okay. Why, first ? A- always loved see us suffer. I suffer right now. Logically she should let me dealing with this. Maybe help Ian, who knows ? It would make sense. But, try to make me end things … It's not A-. It's not what she's supposed to be. I have to keep my mind focus on that. With this text A- is acting weird. I mean weirder than usual. Anyway . The best for me right now is to do what she's asking me to do. Do something about it. Okay. But what ? As I try to find something my phone ring again.

"_Look at you, Spence. I hate you when you're weak. Do something. Now. A-."_

Well I guess A- and I are in agreement. Do something. Easy to say. What ? I can't run away. I can't stay here either. I heard him laughing with my dad, and a thrill of fear goes up my spine. I'm not hungry. I don't want to deal with another Ian's night. I want to spend a calm and quiet evening, I want to feel relax. And, most of it, I want to think about all this A- stuff.

I'm out of here. Fuck the consequences. I grab my phone, and call the only person I want to be with.

"Hey Aria, it's me, I- "

"Spence ! I'm so glad you called ! I was worry about you, how are you ? Better than this morning right ?"

"About this, can I, uh, you think your parents would be okay if I sleep at your place tonight ?"

I can hear the smile in his voice as she answer.

"Of course Spence, come over"

"Okay, I'm on my way. Can't wait to see you."

That's the Aria I love. No questions, no hesitations. I needed her, I called her, she was here. In fact she's always here for me. I grad a bag, put some clothes for tomorrow in it, and walk down the stairs. I have to imagine an excuse for my parents. Ian's gonna be furious. I know that next time we will be alone I'll pay for tonight. Hard. But I don't care.

"Mum, Dad ? Aria called me. She has just broke up with his boyfriend. She's sad and depressed and she asks me to come over. I have to go."

"Oh, I didn't even know she had a boyfriend. But, of course honey, go. It's nice of you to be here for your friends."

"Thanks Mum. Good evening everybody !"

And I'm out of the kitchen. As I close the door I hear my father, "She was supposed to eat with us", and I ran as fast as I can for my car.

Ten minutes after, I'm in front of Aria's house. No lights, no signs of life inside. Maybe she's gone after all. Thinking about it, maybe ran away from my home, from Ian, isn't a so good idea as that. I should go home, before Ian's anger. I should …

Aria's walking towards me. His smile could warm up an iceberg. One look at her, so beautiful in his night shirt, and I feel my brain melt. God. Mr Fitz is so, so lucky.

"Hey, I was worried, you take a long time to come. Is everything OK ?"

"Yeah, everything's all right."

I try to smile. But I can't. Suddenly I start to cry. One tear slides on my cheek, follow by another. And another. A whimper escapes from my lips, the tears fall down my cheeks, and there is nothing I can do to stop all this mess. God … Aria's face start to looking at me, incredulously first, concerned and worried after. She wrap her arms around me, and starts to caress my neck calmly

"Hey, hey, Spence, It's ok, it's alright, I'm here ok ? Nothing bad can happens to you, you're with me, I'm here … It's over, it's over, okay, whatever it is it's over, don't cry, I'm here for you ..."

After a couple of minutes, I can pull myself together, enough to talk understandably.

"God Aria, I'm so sorry … It's over, I'm sorry, I'm done, it's over, I'm alright, let's just go to your room and, sleep, okay ? I'm fine, don't worry, I'm all right now"

She didn't answer me. She takes my hand firmly and, as I asked, we walk towards his room. In it I pull my bag on the floor, and sit on the bed. Aria's stand in front of me, arms crossed, looking at me.

"What's going on Spence ?"

"Uh, um, I'm sorry about before, I just … lost my temper. I'm fine now"

"You kidding right ? Spence, you really think that I'm so stupid ? God, look at you ! Since class started you're not you. You're … a shadow. You're not the Spence we used to know before. Please. Anything it is, you can tell me. But don't take me for a fool. I care about you. More than you think. It's about me and Ezra ? If you want to stop things with me, tell it ! Or, I don't know. What' it's all about ? Oh, come on, talk !"

" No, no no no, Aria you're wrong ! It's not about you. I'm just … overwhelmed this time. It's nothing in particular, I swear to yo-"

"You start again. Trying to fool me. No, Spence. Talk. Please. I can't see you like this anymore. You think I didn't notice ? You barely eat. How much weight did you loose Spence ? What are you trying to hide behind all this hoodies and jeans ? Don't you think I -"

"Aria. Please. Understand me. I want you. I want you more than anything, right now. I want to stay with you tonight. But I can't talk. I can't, OK ? Don't ask me things I can't do. Please. Understand me. Please. I-I love you Aria. More than you think, too. You're so tiny … All I do is for you. I just, you know, want to sleep, like this morning OK ? I'm still tired. Let me sleep OK ?"

"Talk. Now."

This is a familiar scene. Me, pleading for something, to someone who don't let me go. God. You can't compare Aria to him. Stop it. Now.

But I can't. The way she's talking to me right now. She didn't listen to me. She want something, and she want me to give it to her. My confession. She's acting just like him. She likes to be on top of things on our Sparia time. Usually I love that. But not now. And this is not a Sparia time, not at all. It's an interrogation. I don't have to answer this.

I stand up, and without a word, walk out of his room, out of his house. She walk after me. Fortunately she have to be quiet, because we are in front of the house. She can't grab me, she can't force me to stay here. It's better. I don't want to see her like that.

"Spence ! I'm sorry ! Please, come back ! Spence !"

She's crying. I should come back to her, kiss her, apologize, I should stay with her. God. I wish I could.

"Let go of me ! Let me go, please …"

I can't stop myself begging. When the night's here it's like a second nature for me. I stare at her, with scare in my eyes. She can read in me. His look became horrified.

"Spence … I-I won't hurt you. But, did anyone … ?"

"LET ME GO !"

She understood. God. I have to go. If I stay she will harass me until I talk. And after that she will eventually talk to my parents, to Emmy and Han, and everybody will know, everybody, oh god, everyone looking at me with concerned eyes, my sister destroyed, and the baby, oh god, the baby, he will grow up without a father, and my parents, they'll be totally upset about this, oh my god oh my god. I can't.

It takes me a long time to realize that I ran like a insane person. Without noticing I took the way to the woods, and now I'm on the middle of nowhere, in a scary place, by night. Great. You should stayed home Spence. When you try to escape you ruin everything. I stop, sit on the cold and wet soil, in a fetal position. Then I start to realize what I've just done.

I lost Aria. She knows. If I come over she will not get off my back. My parents trust Ian. They're probably talking, like a normal family, right now. I'm not a part of this family anymore. Ian is. School ? My average grade dropped to C. In four month. I'm not up for the Ivy league anymore. I lost everything. What does A- wants me to do ? What the hell can I actually do ? I want to fix things. I want everything back as before. When I was a normal teenager. Before Ali's death. Before I start kissing my sister's boyfriends. Before A-'s harassment. I don't move, despite the moisture on my clothes. I haven't taken my bag when I ran off from Aria. My phone, neither. I'm just wearing a summer jean, and a shirt. I'm frozen. And all wet, now. But I don't want to move. Who knows what's happening in Rosewood right now ? Who's looking at me ? Is anyone looking at me ? It's like a big hide and seek game, except I don't want to be found. But in the woods there is no sound, except the wind, the rain which began to fall minutes ago, and me, crying and moaning, like an animal.

As I cry loudly I hear a crack behind me. It's probably the wind. Or a rabbit.

Another crack. And another. And a loud breathe. Someone's walking towards me. I have to stand up. I have to run away. But I can't, I don't want to move. I stay where I am, frozen and scared.

"Wh-who's there ?"

God. My voice is helpless and tremulous. I feel weak. I am.

"Spencer is that you ?"

This voice. I know it. I can recognize it, very well. It's the voice of someone Ali has hurt. He's angry about us. About me. He's here, alone, with me. Ready for revenge.

Toby Cavanaugh.


	5. The truth

**EDIT : Thanks CloudGypsy for pointing my mistake on ! This is the real chapter 5, sorry everyone !**

I close my eyes. A weird nose, half a whisper half a moan, escape from my mouth. I feel fear, for the thousandth time today. I can hear him walking towards me.

"Spencer ?"

I close my eyes harder, and I circle my arms around my knees.

"Spencer, are you all right ?"

Weird. This do not sound like a angry voice. Maybe it's a trap ? I can't hear anything over the sound of my sobs. I can't contain my fear. I know it's, oh, it's not good. I know I shouldn't do that but I have to see what's going on. Slowly, I open my eyes.

He is crouching in front of me. I see his eyes, his hand moving towards my body. I scream as I move backwards, as far away from him than I can. Not so much for being honest, as I'm sitting against a tree.

"Toby please, please, don't … I'm so sorry, please, don't hurt me, don't touch me, please, I'm sorry about, about everything, please Toby, please, don't-"

I can't finish my sentence. I'm crying in fear, in pain, I can't talk now. I wait for him, and who cares about what he wants to do to me. I wait. But nothing comes.

My panic attack passed. I don't know how much time we stayed here. Couple of minutes maybe ? All that I know is, I'm fine. Toby didn't hurt me. And, as I see his eyes, I understand that he probably never wanted to hurt me in the first place.

"Hey. Feel better ?"

His voice is calm and reassuring. His eyes are worried, just like Aria's before in the evening. Aria. I left her worried. She understood. Probably not everything, but enough to make me talk when I'll go back to school. Don't think about this. It's too late now.

"I … Yeah. I'm fine. Thanks. Really."

"You're all wet … You must be freezing here. Here, take my hoodie. Come on Spencer. Take it."

As I take the hoodie my shirt gets up on my wrist, revealing my bruises. I notice his look on it first, then on my body, always in fetal position.

"Who ?"

One word. He understood, too. Two people in less than an evening. Good job Spence. Well done, really. I'm about to answer the usual response. I falled off my bed. Oh, this ? Nothing, really, I'm so clumsy sometimes, maybe I hit myself on a wall. Some crap like this. Instead I hear myself answering something else. The truth.

"Ian. Thomas. The field hockey coach. My sister's husband, too."

"Since when ?"

"Four month."

Robot answers. My voice is toneless and cold.

"Okay. Okay. Oh, god. Okay. Spencer, do you … do you want to talk to me ?"

I'm back in real life. An anxious thrill move up and down my body. I talked. I said the truth. To Toby Cavanaugh. Why ? Why him, why now ?

"Toby, I, I think I should just, uh, go home and, you know, take some rest, I'm tired, I really have to go and-"

"Home ? You ran away from your home right ? Look Spencer. I know you're shocked and probably scared. But you can't just pretend you didn't told me anything. You're in a lot of pain. I want to help you. But, the point is, do you want me to help you ?"

"Toby. You can't tell anyone. Please. Keep the secret. Okay ? Please ..."

I don't know what to say. All of my future depends of him.

"If that's what you want, okay. I swear it. Now we're clear. But if you don't want to talk, can I tell you a story ?"

What ? A story ? God, what's the point ? I'm about to tell him that I really have to go, that my Mom's waiting for me. But, the fact is, I don't really want to. Here I'm safe. With someone. Who knows. I don't have to lie to him. It's the first time I'm myself with someone in months. And it feels good. Too good for me to leave and go back to my ordinary life. I nod. He smiles at me and start his story.

"It's about a boy. When he was twelve his mum died. Two or three years later his father married to an another woman. She had a daughter. Very beautiful. And nice and polite and everything. Perfect girl. One day the boy was alone at home with his new step sister. She found a bottle of wine in the kitchen. They drank. A lot. And they kissed. It was very pleasant for him. And after that they started to do things … And at first the boy was, you know, okay with all of this things. His first time was with the girl. But this was wrong and he knew it. So wrong that the boy decided to stop things. He felt too guilty for that. No more kiss. No more touch. No more foreplay. No more sex. Nothing at all. But, the point is, his step-sister wasn't agree with this. And, trust me, the step-sister wasn't the perfect girl she looked like. She was, she is, a crazy manipulative bitch. One day an accident happened. The girl became blind. At this point she started to … blackmail the boy. She was weak and blind. Poor little helpless thing. She would have no difficulty in proving that his brother raped her. Several times. If the boy didn't do what his step-sister asked him to do, she would tell that story to everyone in the town. Today the boy is forced to treat his step-sister like a lover every time they're alone together. And he feels dirty for that. He can't look himself in a mirror without disgust. And no matter how hours he spend under the shower, he can't clean himself enough to feel a little less bad, a little less dirty. It's been a year since the blackmail started. It's been a year than the boy can't talk to anyone. Everyone's hates him. And he feel dirty and guilty every time he think about this. No help. No escape. Nothing for him. Did you recognize something in this story Spencer ? Did this talked to you ?"

I look at him. He … Oh my god. Jenna is the biggest bitch in earth. He … God. It's the saddest story I've ever heard. He see the compassion and anxiety in my eyes. He smiles softly at me.

"I know. It's not the happiest story ever. Sorry. Just … You're not the only one Spence. You're not alone. So … Anything you want to talk about ?"

He understand, because he's like me. This is why he's not gonna talk to anyone about me. He knows. I can trust him. He's right. I'm not alone anymore. I take a deep breathe, and start to talk.

"Once upon a time, a girl kissed his sister's boyfriend. It was, you know, nice. But the guy wasn't nice. God, it's an euphemism. Anyway. One day he caught the girl doing some … secret stuff. It was a big secret. And he asks the girl if she was ready to … pay him. For his silence. He kissed her, again, and she thought that things were going to stop there. But several days later he went to my … to the girl's room and ..."

I stop. It's hard. Maybe the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Toby's right. It's easier to talk to the third person. I see him, looking at me, and I notice that he take my hands in his. It's comforting. He's here for me. Nothing bad can happens here. I would love to stop here. But I have to keep going.

"And he went to the girl's bed. And start touching her. At first above the pajama. After, beneath. And the girl started to scream, to punch him, to call help. But he hit her, violently. And he put his hand on the girl's mouth and told her that … that I was a little whore, that he could killed me right now, that he could killed my friends, and my sister and my parents and Aria, mainly Aria, and I … I mean the girl, the girl was to scared to move after this. And he promised the girl that he wouldn't hurt her. But … It was a lie. All lies. Everything he said. He raped her for the first time this night. It was the first time for the girl, too. Since this night she's broken. And scared. And she feels pain and dirty, too. All the time. After that he forced her to suck him, and now when she eat she can't taste anything but him. And after that … Anyway. She can't remember the last time she slept well, the last time she felt safe and relaxed and, well, fine. And now, now … She have to lie. To everyone. She have to act normal every morning in front of him. She have to watch her sister carrying a baby, his baby. And she can't. Not anymore."

Relieved. I feel relieved. Finally I talked. I feel something wet on my cheeks. I'm crying. Again. I didn't noticed. It's the first time since it started that I use the word "rape", to describe what's happening to me. Rape. Ian rapes me. Almost every night since four month. Oh god. I knew it of course but … Now I realize. It's not a small thing. I'm not all right. I'm not fine.

"I promises you to keep the secret about this. But … Spencer, what are you gonna do ? This … have to end. You can't stay like this, you can't act like nothing happens. I mean, not anymore."

"I know. Before coming here, I was talking to Aria. She, sort of, figured out. Not anything. I'm a good hider, and a good liar. But she is, too. Honestly, I don't know what to do."

Silence. He sit next to me. We look at the woods, without a word. I'm the one who broke the silence.

"And you ? What are you gonna do ? And, by the way … How do you found me ?"

"I guess I'm in the woods for the same reasons as yours … Escape from somewhere. From someone. I heard you, running and crying. I thought, maybe you needed some help. Apparently I wasn't totally wrong … And, for the rest, I don't know. Maybe run away from her. From here. Nothing good can happens to me in Rosewood today. My father don't care. I've got no friends. I can go away."

"I … I can do the same. Go away. Maybe ..."

But the point is … You can't. And even if you wait, if you go to college, you'll have to come back one day. And he will be here, expecting for you. And even if you ran away, what's next ? Ian loves girls. Maybe, no, certainly he'll find someone else to hurt. Maybe a child. Maybe my future niece, who knows ? He's dangerous. For me. For all the girls in Rosewood. No. I can't escape. I have to be a real Hastings, and confront him. Like a boss. But I'll need some help. Toby is not enough. We barely know each other. If we're so close this night it's because we share the same burden. But we're not friends. We'll probably never be. We're … fellows sufferers. Nothing more. Keep that in mind Spence.

"Spencer. What was this big secret ? If he uses this secret as a weapon against you maybe you can, you know, reveal it ?"

"At first it was a weapon, yes. Now it's more a … pretext than anything. He can hurt people. I think I'm afraid of this more than anything else."

"You didn't answered. I mean, if you don't want to talk it's okay. But, sometimes, reveals secrets helps. It can't be worst than all the rape thing, right ? You can talk to me. And I can help you, with this, if you want to. Okay ?"

He's nice. And for once I feel that I can talk to him without danger. Without him using my secrets to blackmailing me. I smile. It's good to have someone to talk. So, so good. Again the truth escape my lips.

"Aria and I. We are … I don't know. But more than friends. Kissing friends ? I can't define what we are. But, the point is, Ian caught us kissing and smooching a little one day. And my mum is … She's not understand things like this. After Emily's coming out she basically forgiven me to talk to her. But, the fact is, I really don't give a fuck about my mom. Aria's the matter. I want her to be happy, and safe, and she was, she have a boyfriend and, when she wants, she have me. But … there is Ian. All is he doing to me, he can do it to her. I'm afraid of that. So, so afraid … I can't protect her anymore now. It's killing me."

"Spencer. Listen to me. If you love her, talk to her, and stop things with Ian, now. The only way you have for protecting her is, protecting you. From him. You can't endure this."

I love her ? Me ? Aria ? No, it's just a friend. Friends loves each others like friends. Nothing more. But we're more than friends. No. I can't … God.

"I … I care about her but you, you think I love her ?"

He laughs, again. And smile at me as he answer.

"You're cute, you know. I talk to you about salvation, you answer me about feelings. No no, don't be mad ! It's … comforting. Of course you love her. You did this for her. You care for her. The way you talk about her is a big clue. Apparently he didn't stole everything from you. You can have feelings for someone. Lucky you."

"Uh, thanks, I guess ? But, the point is, I can't stop things like that. I don't want to ruin my sister's wedding. I don't want people starring at me like a monster. My parents, oh god, my parents will be so destroyed … I can't talk. You, neither. You promises me."

"I promised you. Don't worry. Listen, it's late, and I'm freezing here. Maybe we can move ? You need some dry clothes. Come on, I'll take you."

Sounds like a great idea. I'm soaked now. All I want is a warm bath, and a bed. With a lot of blankets on it. But I can't go home.

"I've got nowhere to go..."

Obviously he didn't expected that. Even if he knows that my home is not a safe place, obviously he was thinking to another place to go. But where ?

"Actually, you can go somewhere. I'm sure someone's cares about you, right now. You leave Aria in the middle of a talk, right ? Maybe it's time to finish this talk, don't you think ?"

"Oh no no no. I can't."

"You almost did. You owe her, Spencer. You owe her an explanation. Trust me. Trust her. Talk to her and don't run away this time. You've got a girlfriend who cares about you, who wants to know what's happening with you, who wants to fix things. Don't let her go."

I think about this. He's right, except the girlfriend part. I have to talk to her. I want to. And at Aria's place I feel safe. Like here, with Toby, but with a warm and cozy bed.

"Could you … take me there ?"

"Of course. Let's go"

He gets up, and I follow him. Okay. Let's go. As we walk on the woods, I look at him and I smile. Finally I talked. To someone who understood. And, for the first time since months, despite of everything, I'm happy.


	6. The truth II

**Ecrire ce chapitre m'a pris une éternité ! Désolée les gens. Et merci pour les reviews, c'est trop gentil de votre part de prendre du temps pour ça, je ne pourrai jamais vous remercier assez. J'ai la fin de l'histoire en tête, je pense qu'elle sera finie dans un ou deux chapitre. J'écrirai peut être un épilogue plus tard. En tout cas, encore merci à tous mes lecteurs !**

**It tooks me a while to wrote this chapter ! Sorry guys. And thank you for the reviews, it's so nice of all of you to took time for reviewing, I can never thank you enough for this. Anyway, I have my end in mind, I think the story will be over in one or two chapter. Maybe I'll add an epilogue later. Anyway, again, thanks to all of my readers ! **

"I can't believe I ran for so long. God, I'm tired. Are you sure Aria's home is right there ?"

"Yeah, don't worry. I know this woods better than my own house. We're not far from her."

And, indeed, the house is here. I can see the window of Aria's room, it's the only room in the house with light on. I take a deep breathe. Toby's watching me.

"I can come with you if you want. But I think it's better for you to do this alone. You think you'll be fine ?"

Deep breathe again. It's my turn to reassure him.

"Yes, yes. I'm good. Everything's gonna be all right. Toby, I … I can't thank you enough for what you've done tonight. Really."

"I did nothing. I listened you. But … Spencer. Talking is not gonna make your problem disappear. Hope you're aware of this. Anyway. You're safe for now."

"Take care of you, okay ? I wish I could do something for you, too."

"But you can't. Like I can't do anything for you, except being here. But … If you need to talk, you know where to find me. Anytime."

And then, he's gone. I'm alone, in front of Aria's door. I can't ring the doorbell, not at this time. It's not as late as I thought, but enough to wake up Byron and Ella. I walk under Aria's window, grab some gravel on the floor, and throws them across the window. A few seconds and his face appears. Beautiful, as always. My heat miss a beat, as I glare at her. She see me. Ten seconds later I hear the door clack, and before I realize, she's here, his arms circling me in a strong embrace, stamming some words I can't heard. She's crying. I can't move. I can't do anything, I'm like an old broken computer, someone have to reboot me. Here, the reboot is the feel of his tears on my shoulder. Suddenly I can hear her, trying to talk, and it's my turn to comfort her.

"I'm so so so so so sorry, Spence, oh god, where, I mean, why ? Oh, for god's sake, Spence, I apologize, I'm sorry Spence, it's all my fault and-"

"Hey, hey; calm down … Aria, I'm here okay ? I'm good, calm down. Please, please, it's over, I'm back, it's okay …"

After a few minutes like this, she finally pull his body away from mine, and look at me in the eyes.

"Hastings. Don't. Ever. Do. This. Again. I thought you were angry or dead or hurt, and, oh, I mean, what was I supposed to do ? Obviously not call your parents, and Em and Han didn't answered their phones, and I was alone, worrying about you, hundred times I was on the point to call the cops … Never again, Spence, okay ? Swear it. Don't never leave me again".

And, when I told her that I swear it, I'm sincere.

We walk silently at his room. She turn off the light, and sit on the bed with me.

"Spence ? Is there anything you want to tell me ?"

Now. I have to do it. Even if it's killing me. I get up, close my eyes and, without a word, pull off my clothes. Toby's hoodie first. Then my shirt. And my pants. Soon i'm almost naked in front of her. Even if the light is off, I know that the moonlight is enough to see. The hits, the bite marks, all over my body. My skin is talking for me. I keep my eyes closed. I can't open them. I can't look at her right now. I can't even imagine what she's conceiving right now.

I hear a strangled sob, very close to my face. I open my eyes and, here she is. In front of me, shaking and crying, and looking at me with stunned eyes. She move his hand close to my skin, but avoiding contact. She's looking at my chest, then at my back. And my tights, covered with bruises more than any part of my body.

"Scratches. In my back. He makes me bleed this night. Wasn't the first time. And, the bruises. It's when I try to resist. He hit my legs hard enough to spread them. Then he can … You know. And-"

She can't talk. I can see his face. She's shocked. Like me, the first night. I could not even cry. It was so … unreal. I see this in his eyes. The unreal. But it's true. It's me. She's trying to put the facts together.

"Spence … I … Who ? Who did … this ?"

"You already know, right ?"

And, well, I tell her the whole story.

Later. In his bed. After telling her the whole thing I took a shower. I needed to warm me up, and she needed some time on her own. She didn't talk so much. She was too crushed to do or tell anything, I think. She passed me a night shirt. All she asked me is if she could touch me. Now she's here, draped all over my body. Obviously she don't want to let go off me. Good. I don't want to. The feel of her skin against mine... It's amazing. Soft. Soothing. If she's let go of me now I don't think I could handle it.

"Spence, are you sleeping ? Can I ask you something ?"

I nod, in silence.

"Why … why didn't you say anything ? Even to, dunno, your parents ? Or, Melissa ? Someone ? If you don't want to answer just tell me, but …"

"No, I want to. It's just, I don't know. I wanted to, the morning after the first night. But, I walked down the stairs, and he was here with my family, and I though, how ? I couldn't broke my family like this. And I was afraid, you know ? I … I'm still afraid of him. Of what he could do. To you. To the girls. I don't know."

"I understand. But, you have to talk now. You can't stay like this, god, I can't let you go to your home with him. God if I could kill him … Spence, you have to do something."

"Well, that's A- advice. But what I am supposed to do ? Go to see him, and tell him Oh hi Ian, you know, all the rape stuff since four month ? Well you have to stop it, thank you by advance, have a good day, bye ? No. I can't. I have to find something for him to stay away from me. I have to … think about it."

"Maybe … maybe meanwhile you can sleepover here. You're always welcome here, my mum said it several times. If I told her that you're helping me with studies she'll be all right. If you go home tomorrow he'll be here, expecting for you. I … I'll kill him if I could Spence. Really."

"Thanks. It means a lot to me. I … want to stay here with you. Aria, I … Nevermind. The point is, don't talk. To anyone. Even the girls. Now, you know what's happening to me. But don't say anything okay ?"

"It's the third time you ask me. Okay, I won't. But Spence … It's not a good idea. And, by the way, I'm not the only one. Toby knows. And A-. And me. Two can keep the secret if one of them is dead Spence. What about three ? How do you know that Toby's not gonna reveal all the story tomorrow ? And A- ? You trust A- ?"

I didn't tell her about Toby's secret. I swear to him. She seemed to understand this. This time in the woods with him is our secret. Nobody's can share it. Even her. But she's right about A-. If there's someone on earth that I can't trust it's her. Anyway, there is nothing that I can do right now for her. I checked my phone earlier this evening. No texts from A-. Good. I don't need her now, additional to the rest.

"Aria. I just want to … Relax. Let's do something else okay ? Let's take some sleep"

She's moving, closer than me if it's possible. I feel his breathe on my face. Mix of menthol and liquorice, his toothpaste taste.

"I miss you Spence. Like the old time. I miss our Sparia time. And … I, we know a way to make you feel relaxed. But I … Can I … Do you want us to … ?"

Suddenly I feel a warm wave all over my body. She's … She's not disgusted. She's still want me. As I capture his lips in a soft kiss, maybe the softer we're ever shared, I forget everything. At first she's shy, which is a big news. Never ever before she has been shy during our kisses. On the contrary. She's always the boss. But this time I feel an hesitation, a fear in his kiss, like she's afraid to hurt me. But not for long. Soon she's grab my hairs and pull my cheek in his hands, and I feel his tongue, trying to make his way on my mouth. It feels that the kiss lasts for hours. For the first time since a while I have the control of my body. I ran my fingers over Aria's back, and I can't stop myself smiling when I feel her shivering, and cuddling against me. I can do this. I'm not so useless after all. Aria loves my touch. Aria likes spare some time with me. Aria likes to kiss me.

After a while, she remove his lips from mine. She kisses me one last time, on the cheek, and smile at me.

"It missed me. You missed me. I love you Hastings. Don't ever leave me again … I'll not stand it. I love you"

My heart is playing drum in my chest, so strong that I'm surprise not to wake anyone in the house. She … She surely didn't mean it that way. She can't. I wish she could but it's not possible.

"I love you too … And I'm sorry. No more secrets. I promise. God, I care about too much to take the risk of losing you again."

I smile softly as I'm lying on Aria's bed. His arms are circling my waist now, and when I think about it she didn't let off me since I'm back and I said the truth. Always his hand in mine, his arms cuddling me … It feels good. The link between us, almost broken those last months, is back. Nobody's can destroy this. Not even Ian. It took me so much time to understand this … God what a waste. Anyway. We're together again, nothing else matters right now. As I fall asleep I can hear her whispering some unmeaning words, and this little medley escort me to a deep sleep. At last. So deep that I can't hear my phone vibrate in the desk. Aria neither.

"_Enjoy your last peaceful night, Spencer. Don't tell I didn't warned you. If you don't act, I'll act for you. A-"_


End file.
